Missing Sudan 1

Yesterday was a forgotten day

It began in Africa bleeding guilt in my heart

the hours early and dark

asking me for a reason why I forgot

that it was not....to be treated with such betrayal

that another life was here in the desert of silent questions

erupting into dawns of suprise and delicacy

waiting to be discovered....treasured....measured with their true weight

Of Gold

But I couldnt see shine

 eyes of a torrent fake sad unhappy woman

footsteps breaking the earth so heavy with regret

and crying for another ....holiday

another getaway from my rotten choices

But extensive Africa did not want me

As I walked out into the fallen sky 

Africa said goodbye

and my soul broke in half

broken lovers seperating their past

for I did not deserve all this beauty this ecstatic heat 

this passionate encounter with natural love

and big streets opening journeys into new ways

I wish I could have just turned around to stay

but everything was my fault

so with tormenting steps I flew away

No more hope in my soul

I wish I was back home

but I mistreated all the people, all good days turned sour

churned by hands of a coward

like a terrible lover I lied I cheated I abused

I broke promises

I spoke wrong

I miscalculated

I became the enemy of a land that needed me and I needed it

I became the traitor of a vast history that needed my future not my open sutures

of a fearful, unmotivated, untrustworthy woman

I died in the eyes of my only maker

my african sunsets and sunrises blackened

my balcony dreams cut

my afternoon teas spilt and cold

on my beautiful family

the ones that I can trust

the ones I don't deserve to have 

just like I dont deserve the sweetness of an african home

or the hands of an african warmth