Tuesday, February 9, 2010

they say, your eyes....

they say your eyes dont look good , like they fell through the reminiscence of a hole in your memories, they took the pain and asked for the poles of frozen enquiries , pupils learning from the troubled inquisitions of fantasy vision - they say , you eyes look like your tired as if they saw me running through the forests of anguishing discovery and the lakes of pooling drama, they saw me fighting a war that lingered for nights and days beginning like a small quarel and ending with destruction catastrophically unknown secretive temptations - they say, your eyes look as if youve been sick - like they felt the weakness in my heart and mind - they saw my anger breaking my body, they saw the tears falling through my life - they say, your eyes looked better before - like before i was here -seeing the quest end and the treasure robbed and the jewels taken - of a families name - they say, your eyes look red - like the rubys gone and the blood drawn and the magic passion devils own brought alive with the mess in my soul

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -