Khartoum heartbreak, disaster outbreaks
This is a disaster
I mean,
I sit here and dream of finding the nile grow day by day like a newborn invested in my heart - healing heart amongst the bridges of carressing night african stars and traffic hustle of deepness , the dampness of the ravishing waters comes to my desires, swiftly taking my breath away - for I dream that I find coffee dawns in ozone paradise and true affairs in the middle of tribal connections - amidst the wafers of bliss I am sandwiched into happinness and madness for love of a country and twined hotels, lavishing the sky - - their windows act like a balcony into where I am so far away - yet I close my eyes- i close my eyes and i am standing over khartoums song - over khartoums heartbeat - over khartoums love for me- for if i was to have an affair - i would be with sudan- it would be the secrets of the streets and the people and the poor thriving rich into my emotions - somehwere I get lost in urban shops and boutiques unknown and people black with soot of a tired day - in there I find a home - filled with trees and a family and faith that time is created for my adeventure and venture into the forest of lust for an evening sleepover - -for if i was to know - i would know that my country would never leave me - i have been betraying -yes - so betraying it hurts so bad like hell- I feel like i ripped out my own mind and left it bleeding in the heat of a terresterial storm of love - serials of cermonies come agonising to find me for i have lost the beauty outside and inside - everything shows so well so clear - like the dampness in the nile in my dream- I just want to touch it - thats all
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
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