Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Call this Love


Contains strong emotions that run unfiltered though my hidden tracts - Swifts of tales uncensored - I hide the commotion behind my inter-TNT of in-spoken drama
Where is this leading to?, the plot of illiterate prince and princesses driving in my world of fountains, escapades and windows in Venice, dresses and mirrors, gazes and lips of wishes, the fusion of a wild rhythm told by pieces of dance and mind – I find that the many talents break my balance – I am yet to control when I pass miracles and fate, destiny and hate I am yet to control the all too many headaches that burst though my heart – I want to start cont-rolling what I see – what I hear- what I.....feel – what I want and what I dream
But it is all too ravishing when you pick up word of stories that become desire and passion...dreams of ecstasy - masters of touch that slowly warms insides and outsides of time melting union and delusion that I rent to be hypnotised by renting time to watch what I need – but what I need is yet to be perceived by honesty patience and strength – never backing down in mysteries of sweet delicate tasty delicious sips of ...you – do u want it now? Fighting the walls crumbling everyday – do u see it now? So far away is that romantic horizon – and yet I do not do anything to bring it near – catch the fire of lust and quench my thirst with ifs of water – stop that ship from sailing ashore – I need to be found – I need to...find me – for I am so lost in the extremities drowning particles of my dreams –
my dreams - take me to imaginations of tours into places where I face nothing but a sunset of whisked flavours of ...you – that hope and ...passionate twinkles flicker a sky of magical relaxation somewhere deep – unknown undiscovered except by us – not even those glories and stories can cover beyond my heavens climbing hotels and sleeping under a rainforest – all of enchanted dreams ---- they take me far – they take me far away - they take me beyond glamorous cars, lightened bridges, races and chases into tomorrow - they take me into winning something I have wanted for so long but not having to beat anyone for it – I am sick and tired of having to fight everyone everywhere, even me – I fight my shadows and fear my weakness and my disasters- I fight my energy scattered around lonely playgrounds of living – tell me - can a dream catch a motorway and drive into the next town – just get away – for it is ill of trying and failing - tremendously exhausted from all those traffic lights and overtaking to reach ---- wow stop here you go again – taking the small roads but never reaching the highway – that one glittering journey – it’s...right there – but u deviate EVERY second EVERY hour EVERY time – u run away to the left – amongst bushes of failures and fear – but truth is – he is on that journey he is on that line and he will never c u if you ....or if you don’t.

Look - I have so many people telling me what to do and how to...– I am most annoyed with myself for not being able to solve this tiny small problem that everyone has a solution for
C/ I always think of you as looking at the same stars, the same shooting stars reach you, reach me as does the same colour of sky - and I always believe that you have the solution and it’s so simple – you will smile reach into your pocket and give it to me or maybe just smile – but you have it kept for me
I always think of you like it’s never over and it’s never sad – it’s never sad
Have you heard of a love that hasn’t started yet better than all the rest – better than what they did in history – than what they’ve filmed in films and wrote on magazines better than what is real or not – silence silence – better than words - yeah – in a glistening African sky there is always better than words
Stars that count my memories I always find them and silence myself into a remedy – Have you heard of someone that doesn’t know...that just doesn’t know – how to wake up from this dream -

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -