Saturday, August 21, 2021

You heal me Eman

You really do 
For Saturday mornings are meant for you 
Not for a stupid (word not allowed) computer not working and text messages about work that isn’t even mine and worries that don’t deserve to occupy your special place in my heart 
But they do and so you fight
Beautifully
Taking my phone away 
And it’s the right best thing you could ever do 
And the picture we did (well you 95 me 5) together was wonderful 
And I wasn’t concentrating and you kept at me 
Saying in your own child language 
Look at me 
Pay attention to me 
And 
I miss you 

All the week you’re away and even on Saturday your mind isn’t with me 

I felt awful you pulling and pulling for me to go outside
Bike training really trying to win over me which you deserve

I’m sorry Eman
I’m not a very good mum 


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -