Sunday, August 16, 2015

Purple woman

Purple woman
I am kind i am my heart is kind and i know it
No one can tell me otherwise even me
And i realise that things that upset me can make me weak it does not make me a bad woman
No i am a good woman a great one
I am smart and i am young
Knowledge is my colour and seeping through i have let devils enter
Bad thoughts and short intervals or pain
I have made broken promises to myself time and time again
Unreasoned with trauma and regret of mind
But i am a good morning and a sweet night
I am that jasmine queen of the night except i am the hope of the night
I am the innocence and honesty i grew up with and the joys i felt
I am the many dreams i have gone through and the stories i have met
I am the faith that lights me and the words that bright me
But words are a dangerous tool that i must create and make
I am also a dangerous woman
Having hurt people the closest to me
I am also a dangerous woman
Damaging my clean self and soul and giving those fantasies away to who what where i dont even know
Its like having a gold ring and throwing it in the ocean
Just dont open your fingers and let it slip
Dont let it slip
And dont look at that ocean like its engulfing
Like its horrendous
Like its tormenting
Like its too big
Look at it like its the size of that ring in your hand
The size that it is to allah
Like a cup of water
Look at it like the refreshing future it could be 
The beautiful mystery it holds
Hold that ring and look for more 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -