Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Pretending pretending

I wonder why i dont think like them
Is it me and carolina all over again?
Or is it me and me all over again
I hate pretending 
Why is there ao much pretending
Isthere something wrong with me fir me to be pretended on
Or is it a normal thing people pretend to each other
It saddens me
I think am friends with someone relatives with someone
And i realise so much is hidden
Theyre closer to someone else
They prefer to not pretend with someone else
I feel lost
This time 
We went to jalepenos and all i got was one less of mine and a side of pretending 
And a side of tricking
Uggh when i remember 
I just want to know who he is! Such lies
No wonder my closest relative lie to me too and wear their sunglasses to hide their black eyes
But i dont have  black eyes
And i dont have sadness or pain
I was so happy to hear some people are like me 
Ya rab let me be like them
I want to be kind 
I want to teach my family to be to be kind
Ya rab let me have a familya rab  

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -