Monday, June 22, 2015

Ramadan day 5... Lost in translation?

Geah but until when
Until will u continue to not know yourslf
To forgive urself for the unforgivable 
To love urself but never nourish urself
To not be healthy
To drive urself to pain and diseas
Until when will u be weak with words
With drama and util when will u have good intention coming out as bad intention
Until when will u be condescending of others but never urself
Look at urself first
Let the truth haunt u hurt u worry u 
Not others
And let urself in to this plaguing place inside
Where noone can enter
Filled with trauma and broken branches of trust for yourself
And a place where there is so much happiness covered by air musty with  heartbreak
Let a new you gasp
Open hrr eyes
And begin
Theres no other way

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -