Monday, June 29, 2015

Ramadan Day 12_ Mango cheesecake

in a sky where the realms suddenly slipped into a new world
and the heat thawed my frozen heart and the desert sunk into my tired eyes
I was third time lucky
or was i just lucky for Allah was with me and i felt and i knew that he was planning everything perfectly for me
for in that moment when i chose that scent
she said
I had just bought it for my boyfriend yesterday on the very last flight
she seemed more suprised than i was
she was proud of my focus and superiority amongst anyone there
for she probably never met someone like me - so focused
and she probably never thought it would be coming to Khartoum
that coincidence would strike
but for me it was fate closing in
for i had already heard about it
and i had on the last fingertips of existence... taken white mountains with me to here

and she
gave me mango cheesecake for that
I woke up suddenly and all i saw was the gratitude of first class
as if Allah had brought me forwards
and i loved every moment of that rare existence
the golden the white the biscuit the white plate the kind taste
the cold memory
the goodness of you deserve this

and now here i am
1 week in
This time i am different
that same focus
i want to keep forever
that kindness that love
that fever of hope i have within me
dont want to fall like here
i only want to see the good in things
the beauty in things
I only want to be good
this Ramadan is mine
I dont want to get jealous because others  wake up better than me or read more than me or believe more than i do
no this Ramadan is mine
no one
no one got mango cheesecake like i did
and no one will be like me this Ramadan
or in whatever i do

for I am hope
i am unique
and I will not be sad by own doing

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -