Thursday, May 7, 2015

Lot to say 1- being grateful

I have alot to say
Like how i miss my old ways 
Like believing in myself and actually liking myself
I miss my old ways
Like being a hard worker
Am fearing i cant remember no mor
For my phone holds precedence
My thoughts about what the future could hold holds rock
In my heart until no positive exists
You cant secrete happiness and goodbess
From darkness from mistrust 
From working poor
I hate who ive been lately
So autonomic
No reality 
didnt want to see reality no more
Like that time i failed biology 
Literally got an F
But then for summer i studied so hard i knew what needed to be donei studied and i got an A
Yes i remember
Here i remember
Like how Many timesgod has helped me and i dont bother to listenlike how muxh i want something but aint trying hard enough to get there

Like being ungrateful

Yes i have been ungrateful
So first bad emotion am gonna throw away before i even get on that plane is...
I will only be grateful for all the good things allah has given me
And all the good days allah has shown me
And all the happy memories allah has provided me
And all the wishful thinking allah has promised me 
And all the health i have and will have
And all the health i need and will get
And all the places i go and most importantly rhe lovely parents i have and more important than that 
The amazing man whos given me his all
The man who i trust more than i trust myself
And more than i could ever wish for
Truly to the core
I dontknow what i would have been without him

Note to self 
I deserve the best
I deserve it all
Allah loves me and has never let me down
But he does test me
Now like the brave woman you are...
Are you up for the challenge?...

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -