random pain

everytime i close my eyes its like a dark paradise
Im a woman similiar to people I hate their actions to
and yet I do exactly the same yet
a fearful woman strange i could talk and think a small mind
against a peaceful thing and had to shut my mouth against the war
i really am at war
with myself
within myself
im someone i dont even know
someone  i hate
truly hate
i hate who i am and what ive become
fearful and fearless
of the most important things in life
Allah,health, patience,
I feel like ive had my heart attack
my chest all poisonous in the inside
my heart all black on the outside
remoteless of feeling of sanity
of mind
painful to breathe
like fadil
feeling so broken unable to concentrate on anything
and on anyone
except this ugly woman ive become