Sunday, June 27, 2010

I could.....

I could let the world beat me or I could win by extraordinary measures
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I could let everything get too hard for me to take
I could see the future as something I cannot make
I could stop believing in all that I can have
I could stop believing in what God can give me
I could cry and not defy all odds
I could waste my time and pass the time for others to play
I could see everything wrong
I could feel guilt and pain and startfeeling the corners of life tightening
I could wake up i nthe morning late and drag the day into tomorow
I could spend the days useless
I could stop training to get in to heaven
I could breathe in anger instead of air
I could let my eyes seep into tears
I could give my eyes so the devil can see, through me
I could let my soul infest with misery and fury
I could let that same soul break into pieces with growing despair
I could sit by and watch my hands itch with lack of commitment
I could make the days so long with empty hours and short of power
I could take everything to waste
I could show weakness to its best
I could fail Gods test
I could try to forget that God is watching
I could trick myself to thinking that I am good
I could put my back to this faith


and in return faith will give its back to me


in return the world will give its back to me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -