Sunday, June 27, 2010

can u just answer this last question?

So what is it ?


What is it that I'm trying to cry for
or beg for
or live this way for?


have I sinned this much to fall this deep
have I torn my roots so far I can't remember where I came from?
have I broken the rules so quick I've ran my heart down
have I shaken my good so empty I no longer hold any good quality?



these are tremendous questions
I feel broken and outspoken
I feel undecided and unrequited


have the doors been closed upon me?
have the angels left me alone?
have my goals been set to be stopped?
if I try and try and try to break barriers
will one day I breakthrough>?

or will it be unfaithful defeat
could it be I am on the path for a massive beat
one that I can never overcome
you were given a chance to play but you gave it to others
you were given a time to prove but you left yourself run out
you were given so many chances to hit target but it always faltered


So what is it?

where has it all gone wrong?

Why?

why have I left myself fail like this?

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -