Friday, August 29, 2025

Wanting something u never knew

Then it becomes lingering inside and out 
U buy green kicrowaves when decisions havnt been made
Nothing formal
All inside
But everything so close ans yet so far
Really does make me sick
In my heart aches sort of way 
Not sure what i want
Or need
My sanity of course and somw patience on the side
Wiuld be great
Lingering trying
Having not
Having what 
Having here
Having close
Waiting
People poking u 
With words stares and dares
Phonecalls useless
Absolutely useless and time machines working
I hate this
But i hatemyself more
What is my linger
What is my situation
And am i at fault
Of course im at fault
And now im trying to save the situation
Well
No save
No crave
Just wait…



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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -