Wednesday, August 20, 2025

It really hurts

When u come home from work and he goes upstairs
No in between
No im sure
No i care or dont
I want or dont
Just
Distance
No knowing
No understanding
No clarity
No me no him 
Just the stairs

And soon we might  not even have a stairs

So where will the running be  now 

Youll just have to jump!

Or stay 

Or avoid
God im scared
Can i do this

Is this the right thing for us for me

Am i ok 
What is going to happen
Who is correct and who isnt
My anxiety or my reality
My anxiety or my thinkingprocesses For me its clinging on for others its madness
I had to say no to tomoro and friday 
Wish i cud
But where is the money working for someone else
?
I 
Feel
Sad
I wish leanne didn't finish 
Me like
Me dont like my pain of rejection
And the fainting adrenaline inside

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -