Friday, November 6, 2020

What are you exactly

i could type in what i fear or i could type what i can do about it life is glorious but it is alao hard splitting screens isnt a great idea its filled with confusion which part of you is open amd which is closed which works and which is broke let me tell you the only thing i can do is be myself i cannot make people love me although i can certainly make them hate me and i can t cobtrol what others say but i can control mine and i cant control what others want but i can tell myself what i want i can live towards what i want and that makes me happy for example if someone buys cookies for the house they havnt made me eat them if i eat them its really nothing to do with them am not saying its easy to resist but i am saying it is my choice and if somwthing angers me i could act by the spider tongue or i could not and if i forget i could remind myself and if i fall i could pixk myself up i could not let the words all of this because of a traffic signal become me or i could let it haunt me i could be weak weakness just as strength is is a choice and i could believe that what i feel nevermind do reflects on her and what i do will come around and i what i want will happwn if i am a good person because whats the point in being evil and then asking for kindness this new beautiful phone has come at the most undeserved time treating everyone like rubbish the worst myself the truth is i feel ashamed i feel like a bad person like that horrid uncle mean arrogant wicked sly to people who have only loved me to be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -