Friday, November 6, 2020
What are you exactly
i could type in
what i fear
or i could type what i can do about it
life is glorious but it is alao hard
splitting screens isnt a great idea
its filled with confusion
which part of you is open amd which is closed
which works and which is broke
let me tell you
the only thing i can do is be myself
i cannot make people love me
although i can certainly make them hate me
and i can t cobtrol what others say but i can control mine
and i cant control what others want but i can tell myself what i want
i can live towards what i want and that makes me happy
for example if someone buys cookies for the house they havnt made me eat them
if i eat them its really nothing to do with them
am not saying its easy to resist
but i am saying it is my choice
and if somwthing angers me
i could act
by the spider tongue
or i could not
and if i forget
i could remind myself
and if i fall i could pixk myself up
i could not let the words
all of this because of a traffic signal
become me
or i could let it haunt me
i could be weak
weakness just as strength is
is a choice
and i could believe
that what i feel nevermind do
reflects on her
and what i do will come around
and i what i want
will happwn
if i am a good person
because whats the point in being evil
and then asking for kindness
this new beautiful phone has come at the most undeserved time
treating everyone like rubbish the worst myself
the truth is i feel ashamed
i feel like a bad person
like that horrid uncle
mean
arrogant
wicked
sly
to people who have only loved me
to be continued
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What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
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