Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Chapter 2- Unprepared sadness

Chapter 2

That’s such a lame move in the midst of my agony to be seduced by passion and ability of grandness
He shares with me this boring possible unknown future
And I was totally unprepared
Suddenly forced to delve in the mask of faraway tomorrow when I’m thinking of the intense now and other beautiful things
He just goes right ahead and pisses me off
Here I am asking him something
Well hoping he understands the letters between my lines
And he totally gives me something else
So he totally doesn’t understand anything Ive been saying, craving or doing

Am super mad
Because am super sad
At the emotional explosion
Like the face of someone I don’t know
Yet I have to know
But why?
What’s his trail of thought here?
Why didn’t he send me flowers or a poem or his sexy voice
Why this?

Ugh
Am barely in control of my own dreams and now hes just concentrated my pain
Stolen my thought processes
Figuratively
Am not mad at the image
Am mad because he clearly doesn’t understand me
And I dont care how complicated it is
He should be able to understand
That the last thing I want 
Is 
lack of richness


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -