Monday, July 15, 2019

Chapter 1- going to hell

Chapter 1
Have you ever broken down your dreams?
Or have you just always accepted them
you’ve never thought about them, have you? What they mean and what they’re doing to you
And now theyre attacking invading and eroding you
You can go to hell for this
All that you’ve ever done youre just throwing away
It’s the same feeling of drug addicts
It really is
Nothing matters
Think about it
Youre losing your mind your attention your strength and your time
And allah said
Do not love something that is bad for you
This is bad for you
Look at yourself
Youre fucked up
Can you imagine this being your life
This obsession
This truama to your body and your time
This forgetting all activities and sense in your life
Hating the sun
Hating being with your family
Hating yourself
Look at yourself
You are the definition of unhealthy
Hitting barriers
Nearly driving into people in cars
Look at your self
You’re so unhealthy


Say it
Don’t feel it
You obsess over the attraction
the perfect woman
And you don’t believe or want to be in reality because you deep down hate things with you the way they are now
Escp now
These last months, years I think
You’ve become worse and worse
And so youre weaker and weaker
You can delete all the failed tries all you want
But you cannot delete your dreams
Your dreams are the problem
And in your dreams is what you want
Those dreams your clinging onto like insanity
Its why the music is better
Because your imagination knows what you want
Its your soul and what you believe you can and cannot do is the problem
Its how you think is the problem
Its your solutions to these problems is the problem
The real you is locked up
You have her locked up
Caged and frozen
 The girl  who looks amazing, the girl of the dream, the girl of you
Arnt they equal? Inside you
They can do anything
And they are everything
It really is about your dreams
You and yourself
Ask yourself
Do your dreams make you free?
Days
Years
Moments
Mistakes or fixing mistakes
Time will go
Time will not stop
Not for you
Time will not stop for you

Not for anyone

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -