Chapter 4_a sharks bone

A sharks bone 

Don’t forget that 

And so are your habits

So are your stoppages so are your disasters

Your inabilities are a sharks bone to your heart

Your weakness is  a sharks bone to your soul

Your stupidity is a sharks bone to your mind

Your methods , your deviations, your instabilities

And your passions 

But you can change that

You can make your mind

…. Frame to fit

Explore to expand

Go wild to calm

Breathe to fine motor

Breath taking patience

What you need is to believe

And ask yourself

What is it you desire?

What is it you can do about that desire?

What is it you can do right now to own control?

For isn’t that what you desire? 

Chapter 3- virused capabilities

I have to be on top of my game in 4 hours

Acting the best and drinking enough coffee to push this madness out

My head feels like theres gunk in it 

Lots of soul infection without medication

The obsession is clear

A part of me doesn’t want to stop

Because its displaced my body for the first time in my life

And fragmented my internal laziness

And truly changed my thoughts

But its also deteriorated my goodness that’s for sure

Its broken my mind

Its shattered my control

But its also reminded me of my pain

My true pains

The ones I hide, the ones I used to ignore , the ones I never challenged

Until now I could never control them

Every single moment of frustration hits me 

My eyes see my eyes when I look at what I want 

Its always walking into a room filled with guests

Its always dark music

Which although as erased my desire to eat has virused my capabilities 

Am desperate for the balance

That thinking straight antidote

That being me dose I so desperately need in my undeveloped land of breakdown

It makes me feel like I can be the sexiest woman alive

I could be

For the first time in my life I actually believe that this is true

But like this

I could also be mad

I don’t want to be mad and sexy

I want to be clever and sexy

I don’t want to get cancer or heart disease

and I don’t want to give my body up to the devil either and get hell disease

and a wasted soul

I want to have it all

But like this 

Am gonna have nothing at all

Chapter 2- Unprepared sadness

Chapter 2

That’s such a lame move in the midst of my agony to be seduced by passion and ability of grandness

He shares with me this boring possible unknown future

And I was totally unprepared

Suddenly forced to delve in the mask of faraway tomorrow when I’m thinking of the intense now and other beautiful things

He just goes right ahead and pisses me off

Here I am asking him something

Well hoping he understands the letters between my lines

And he totally gives me something else

So he totally doesn’t understand anything Ive been saying, craving or doing

Am super mad

Because am super sad

At the emotional explosion

Like the face of someone I don’t know

Yet I have to know

But why?

What’s his trail of thought here?

Why didn’t he send me flowers or a poem or his sexy voice

Why this?

Ugh

Am barely in control of my own dreams and now hes just concentrated my pain

Stolen my thought processes

Figuratively

Am not mad at the image

Am mad because he clearly doesn’t understand me

And I dont care how complicated it is

He should be able to understand

That the last thing I want 
Is 
lack of richness

Chapter 1- going to hell

Chapter 1

Have you ever broken down your dreams?

Or have you just always accepted them

you’ve never thought about them, have you? What they mean and what they’re doing to you

And now theyre attacking invading and eroding you

You can go to hell for this

All that you’ve ever done youre just throwing away

It’s the same feeling of drug addicts

It really is

Nothing matters

Think about it

Youre losing your mind your attention your strength and your time

And allah said

Do not love something that is bad for you

This is bad for you

Look at yourself

Youre fucked up

Can you imagine this being your life

This obsession

This truama to your body and your time

This forgetting all activities and sense in your life

Hating the sun

Hating being with your family

Hating yourself

Look at yourself

You are the definition of unhealthy

Hitting barriers

Nearly driving into people in cars

Look at your self

You’re so unhealthy

Say it

Don’t feel it

You obsess over the attraction

the perfect woman

And you don’t believe or want to be in reality because you deep down hate things with you the way they are now

Escp now

These last months, years I think

You’ve become worse and worse

And so youre weaker and weaker

You can delete all the failed tries all you want

But you cannot delete your dreams

Your dreams are the problem

And in your dreams is what you want

Those dreams your clinging onto like insanity

Its why the music is better

Because your imagination knows what you want

Its your soul and what you believe you can and cannot do is the problem

Its how you think is the problem

Its your solutions to these problems is the problem

The real you is locked up

You have her locked up

Caged and frozen

 The girl  who looks amazing, the girl of the dream, the girl of you

Arnt they equal? Inside you

They can do anything

And they are everything

It really is about your dreams

You and yourself

Ask yourself

Do your dreams make you free?

Days

Years

Moments

Mistakes or fixing mistakes

Time will go

Time will not stop

Not for you
Time will not stop for you

Not for anyone