Saturday, October 1, 2016

M&A- am ready to give

Ive got so much to say
Its nowhere near how i feel
Like all these raw beautiful emotions 
Turning me into something i need to be
And all these intricate ways making me something else
For he is better
And i feel fear
And i feel happiness
Ans i feel everything i should and shouldnt and its all that i am 
But theres still so much more
And so much else
I love his arms
The warmth and the pride
The honesty
I just dont care about anything else
Except all thats to do with him
And i miss him terribly 
Even when hes gone for a few hours
And i feel this 
Deep ache when i do something without him
And i feel like im flying 
When i do everything with him
And i do everything for him
And my tears fall when i think of his eyes
They glisten they turn around with truth and kindness
And i love his smile
And i love his ways
And i even love when he makes me mad
For it only makes me forgive him more
I just want to be with him
I just want to be there for him
And i just want to be the goodness he needs
The sharing of my heart with his
And im ready to share everything with him not just me
But what i can make and what i can give to him
The life that he needs and is waiting for 
Im ready to give

To be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -