M&A... so in love , so out of touch

For from the moment he walked in through that big door my whole life changed. It grew. It surpassed all my love and expectations. He loved me for who i was and i knew that my heart was his. For he was perfect. Perfectly sweet . Perfectly kind. Perfectly honest. And he was mine amd he was mine forever and i just dont even know how to begin being thankful. And now here i am  a part of him like a flower growing and i just want to cherish it and water it and nourish it. And i want to say to Allah
Whats wrong with me? Why am i like this? So far away from my faith , from the goodness you have given me. I am sorry. Please help me and save me for i just dont deserve
Dear allah
This time i want to do everyrhing differently
Like become in love with faith again
And i want to not worry about things
Except those of the mind
Like beauty in knowledge and love and health

For i have done things a certain way
And now i want to do them differently
Cleaner

Ya allah you are my love
Faith is my love
He is my love
She is my love
They are my love
My family
And i just want to be a family
I want to be with him

For he makes me melt
Makes me love so deeply it hurts
Makes me cherish my breaths and who i am
Makes me glow to the whole world
Makes me connect
Makes me disastrously sweet
For i taste his love and its like the only thing i need to have
I love him
And i love m and a

But the a , i has changed
Its become ... lost
So lost
Like a fragrance gone wrong
I am so lost
And this is the time to believe
For i have lost believing in myself
And now i know
I cannot move forwards without changing that
Without being that woman that
Is the fragrance of time elegance and strength
And most importantly
Faith
For i know i can be better
Do better
Think better
Achieve
Want better
Even have better
And i know there is so much more out there for me than a small office and a purple laptop
And its time to figure that out


To be continued