Friday, March 28, 2014

just words

I think about friendships that are invisible
no longer available
ones that one day used to spark usher and not ushers syndrome amongst the streets of Sudan
music to our ears we raced and my heart never paced with sense -
just tense..that they would like the next song.. and they always did
I was young, I was cool with coolness around me, i was happy and I was the one they loved
never thought at that moment where life would take me or that would be taken away
never thought our friendship would be without eyes or ears and where they would go they would lose it all , all they had with me
and all the distance between us, is not just  milage or oceans
but  emotions .... just gone


deep down I cant hear the answer but I can feel it
im jealous
time changes people and feelings
but am I the same or different?
why do I miss them?
why do I go back to the days of tapes and
a... magical time? where I enjoyed them and they enjoyed me ...
a time they've forgotten
a time that means nothing .... for its evaporated

and yet I make humid my expressions of ...missing those times
 deep within my heart until it cries

part 2 -
I am in a series,,, an egyptian one where all im missing is the music,
the music would be queit , peaceful, a little peakful at times to sense my calm yet turbulent emotions to the audience , - I stare at the room around me and its beautiful
curtains crisp with pattern , a new soft touch pyjama worth the camerisation - worth the etiquette im living in , worth the imagination im living by - feeling a sense of clean fresh sheets that everyone has to see - a glass of crystal water by my side ... a tall man to take the ride... of true fantasy and as i try and wrap my words and begin to show the world who I really am
my bedside light glitters with joy - yes I am here to make you wonder, to make you suffer about my mystery or is it honesty
and you may start to think about little things like where i got my curtains , or pyjamas , or where i got my hair done, or what detergent do i use and who does the washing or maybe why do i have any worries if i live in such granduer


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -