Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Begin again..... a far east adventure 1

through a blindfold of beauty, time only exists with peace and love. There lies outside palm trees, bamboos and elephant plants falling over my plans to smile and never give up. Aljazeera plays in the background reminding me of my history , my future and my role as a woman of steel ideas and trust. The aircon swiftly blows coolness on my mind. I swim in the insanity of explanation that all is alright - everything is fine and smooth like the nescafe lying on the edge of the coffee table - Almaghrib is 4 minutes away - a futuristic decoration of my faith in a limited fantasy  - Glass doors seep requisition and soft delicate satin falls over to possible cover my heart from pain - I am the bestI could be here, in this enigmatic construction of a dream  that is no more a dream - a moon filled with honey and space to live and be loved and life that is living . Memories land on my flower dress, pearls wind down to my abundance of finding myself - I must find myself here - for  I know I am no more the woman I used to be
But change is inevitable , a floating boat that you can either get on volunatarily or be dragged behin by it -
but without force seconds are gold here and I am interested in seeing where the future takes me.... to be continued.....

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -