Saturday, June 18, 2011

En Route to......Faith.

Where is my faith
that golden happiness in my life
the one that made me smile and made life easier
made life had a reason
 a purpose
where is my faith the one that I lived for to die for to get reborn for
where is the one thing that really did make me feel beauiful

where is the faith in me that God has loved me always and always will
will test me but pass me
will forgive me and have mercy on me
where is the faith that i have mysteries to unfold
my life is wondrous
miraculous
chivalous

where is the faith to make me strong
so strong nothing can break me except fear from GOd
I .....suddenly lost that faith
and in its place are......hesitations
and wordly problems
and getting older fears
and beauty tears
and impression jealoust
and mean flavours

Instead of faith...........

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -