Monday, October 18, 2010

still running through me

After going to the peaceful yet revolutionary life changing experience of mecca and madina trip. i feel like a new woman
I feel invigorated by my own strength
for suddenly
and deeply
everything I can battle
I am not saying that i do not have the problems or the fears
but everything inside me and outside me is for God
no matter how it is
I feel so
STRONG
I feel like God is my ora , my era, my dearest and only reason fo being
and so
things get channeled into my love for him
and my hope in him
and my passion to live right
it channels my heart and soul

I know that Istill do mistakes
a lot of mistakes
I say a lot fo things i dont mean
I think a lot of things i cannot stop

but when i look back
and when i think back
I
am
the
right
person
and now
I do see myself as



me.


All from a simple trip

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -