Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Love I search (1)


Speaking in tongues, the language is the dedication of a day in history when the desert spoke out it was no longer in thirst for water...for it had found the un despicable happiness twirling in the imagination of its skies, I looked for you somewhere in the passionate stars of the morning where the golden of the night had merged with the day, I found in the horizon farthest and closest when I thought it was impossible to find your swivel of chivalry and faith of vast magnitude, You found me, singing in prayer when I had called for you, every second since.
You gave me the freedom that I had asked for, all in my life to cover the seas of gold memory dangling in my arms, wrists and face with you...I came alive, thinking of the jewels that began in a past everlasting honeymoon when hours became seconds of an epic battle of a threaded story of fate that rejoiced in temptation that was a solid destiny of waters making rivers and surrounded lakes of harmony as one, I waited for you in the sunset before the dawn and the spiritual entanglement of our affections that would lust over into the sunrise and twilight of miraculous intervention, it was like well being in the dust that calmly slept outside the temples of glass locks...shattering to the forgiving of chance and truth, there was no reason not to open swirls into the ocean for you.
You walked near until your breath held mine and for a moment when you breathed I could feel the air dancing in my fingertips and making me... I knew you were staring into secrets I had hidden for so long, like satin of enchantments I could barely hold onto the delicacy of my hurt and fear that you curled into a new evolution of trust and magical delight, my hands burned for your design, searching to be told how to discover, my lips curving for their place in time, I knew my body was containing a volcano or a tornado of a lifetimes development of begging to look into your eyes, they are yours to keep and I
am waiting
for whenever
you
would ask for them.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -