Thursday, April 9, 2009

just as i am about to...


My frustration is my recreation
amidst all the gaps within this unbelievable choke
I try and gasp
for a breath of comfort

But just as I take in the fumes of some commitment
It cries out again
from deep within me
I am so afraid for it to be heard

it consumes me

wakes me

I try and ignore it, and flush it
but ignoring is the new thinking

I know I am in the mouth of danger
the conquer of a slash of disgust
and the fall of an empire, a family

but just as I am about to forget
he does something and I cannot leave it just yet

I dont know what to do in this..............this
extremely dangerous path
its consequence will burn
and there will be no return

I need to scare myself to let it be
and believe that God will save me
and him
Please God do not leave us
dissolve

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -