Wednesday, August 12, 2026

just numbers 2

 but it tells the truth

100 makes me angry because it means so much more. 

you dont care how much i try and your responsibilities are not hte same

and now theres 2400 at least knowing it cant be makes it easier

i worry grab right and left and when it comes you dont give me

makes me sick to my ..... capabilities

i feel... lonely more than anyone will ever know

you know a hard skill is stopping your tears from falling in front of your family

and then theres jsut 1300? was it 

the choices are made

not mine to make

like who works with me and who doesnt

like days i work and days i dont

like things i say and things i dont 

like a small thnakyou that does mean something at least amidst the i dont know 60 something 

and now theres bulks coming

and the clouds ruined it

 thanking me when its meaningless hurts

not helping truly and honestly hurts

depending on the wrong

hurts

and im using a lot of words to expand on my crimes

i hate myself for showing i hate myself for 


being who i am....

lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

my fingers learn like the numbers on my card

4.... something something something something something something something something something seomthing

do you have cash? no i dont 

not today

.....maybe another day

before i cant

smile and laugh through the eclipse itried

people using me i know 

people thanking me for waht 

spending money?

at least i tried

aNd now its time

to drive on

the pain and the working in circles

heat of an iron nearby

thats it 

its good though

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -