Saturday, December 9, 2023

جيبي لي موية

 طيب 


Yesterday something inside me broke even further as if my heavy heart was not already tearing the bridge over the fire apart 

My ears attest to kindness and a relationship that is not mine 

I sit in the dark sad and lonely waiting for sleep to come

Waiting to refresh my anger 

But no amount of anything can now take this pain away 

Here I am 

This big 

Yet this invisible 

Utterly and completely useless 


I remember mama nagat 

Here is part 2 of it 

2023

When no one cared …. Really 

Ignoring her and allah thought 

Your time will come too 

Here it is only 20 years earlier 

 Yesterday I realised I am far 

Reels cannot save me, neither can biscuits 

And these tears only blur 


I am only a filler 

Maybe silicone cheap kind too 


But I certainly am not … important

I certainly am not clever 

That one should stay and whoever told you that doesn’t know anything! They said about me from afar . Conclusion done. 

And worse I am not kind 

I saw the lady waiting for the gate to open with my id card blatantly glaring 

I scream 

Because Im sick but No one knows that 

Mama nagat was lonlier than me she never ever screamed 

She was kind 


So I wait to enter that period 

Of letting things happen and staying quiet 



Things I wish 

Someone caring to speak with me 

Truly speak with me 






No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -