Tuesday, October 5, 2021

Why on earth am I doing this ?

So selfish hurting my time
Becoming non advanced
Losing faith
Morphing sin as good
Failing myself
Turning time into mush

Why am I doing this
Not using the free everything I’ve been given 

Giving up on the chances
Allowing imminent failure to win me

Allowing everything to beat me
It’s so easy playing a computer game
It’s so easy being so hurtful and judge and think of others in a bad way
And just get consumed in everything bad
But it’s not easy forgetting the trivial and thinking only of focus

1 million euros
Why not
Pass
Why not
Successful defend without silence and fear
Why not

Only liberating myself is how I can do 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -