Who am I angry at ?
for I really have no one to be angry at but myself feeling the weakness
but i am angry
its like im being isolated from love although i am the most that loves it
its like im being asked for nothing although i want to give all my love
its like im stupid although i know i more better and clever than this
its like im angry at the whole world but mostly the whole world is me
because i know at the end
Allah will only ask me why i did that
and it wont be
oh, let someone else take the blame
no one can take the blame for my anger and weaknesses but me
and just as i do i pay
just as i break i shatter
its wrong full stop
its wrong
but who am i angry at?
who deserves to have responsibility for my pain?
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
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