Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Looking at the 10/40

Sometimes you fail and you get that result so you have to choose
Do you continue in what it is you have a fail in until the end or do you give up and say it’s too hard
Or it’s not for me 
Or I knew I was in too deep 

I chose to continue - to put that result behind me and do the rest trying as I handed things forwards not just doing it 
No trying and doing and guess what 
That result changed from 10/40 
To 65/100 
And even more 
I passed 
Really
Hard
Module
 
Others left it 
Others gave up 
But I will never forget sitting there with battery life doing an mcq in mid Khartoum crying over some things in my life just before and feeling like I’ve hit rock bottom 
The equations however were not harder than me or life

And so here I am in the future of that woman in the past who didn’t give up translating  her tears and efforts with success

Life is like that 
Filled with yes and no 
Filled with try and try harder
But most importantly 
Filled with 
Do not take the fail 
Move forwards and keep going until those fails becomes passes 
Do not look at the small picture
Look at the big
Do not look at the little bad things
Look at the little good things

And remember you can do it 
You do have the ability and you are not in the wrong territory

Also remember that only god can love u in a way that can save you so turn to him 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -