Tuesday, January 10, 2017

EMA- ( unwinding into being )

A new me
Free
Sitting unaware if now or later or vefore
Just sitting
Flat white
And i just might
Fall alsleep in my dreams
To become that woman
A woman
Right now
Any woman
I dont care
But behind my eyes
Its a lovely woman
A strong one
Easy going but dedicated and proud
And light
In thoughts and weight
Feelings not just pounds
Heavy with dedication and kindness
And a way that isnt new anymore
But hers
Life is hers
And i love it here
But i wont be here always
And breathing is always
Finding life and loving it is always
Forgetting the right things and
Believing in right things is the best combination
That combination of perfection
Within you Around u
Everywhere
Is
Just
Tamam
And eman
Is here
If i do right or wrong
Shes here
She must accept what i do and so i must be true
She is mine
And i am hers
But i am also her model her life her freedom her prison and herjoy and her smileand her tear
And i am nowhere but with her
Except i truly pray
...
Wait pray? I dont remember praying for a while
All i remember is worrying
Is forgetting the right thing
Is forgetting the honest thing
For allah is always here
Even when i am just pathetic
....
And eman doesnt deserve pathetic
Neither does momen
My family doesnt deserve empty words
Or an uncreative mind
Or broken thoughts Nd mind
They deserve the best just As i do

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -