M&A... so in love , so out of touch

For from the moment he walked in through that big door my whole life changed. It grew. It surpassed all my love and expectations. He loved me for who i was and i knew that my heart was his. For he was perfect. Perfectly sweet . Perfectly kind. Perfectly honest. And he was mine amd he was mine forever and i just dont even know how to begin being thankful. And now here i am  a part of him like a flower growing and i just want to cherish it and water it and nourish it. And i want to say to Allah
Whats wrong with me? Why am i like this? So far away from my faith , from the goodness you have given me. I am sorry. Please help me and save me for i just dont deserve
Dear allah
This time i want to do everyrhing differently
Like become in love with faith again
And i want to not worry about things
Except those of the mind
Like beauty in knowledge and love and health

For i have done things a certain way
And now i want to do them differently
Cleaner

Ya allah you are my love
Faith is my love
He is my love
She is my love
They are my love
My family
And i just want to be a family
I want to be with him

For he makes me melt
Makes me love so deeply it hurts
Makes me cherish my breaths and who i am
Makes me glow to the whole world
Makes me connect
Makes me disastrously sweet
For i taste his love and its like the only thing i need to have
I love him
And i love m and a

But the a , i has changed
Its become ... lost
So lost
Like a fragrance gone wrong
I am so lost
And this is the time to believe
For i have lost believing in myself
And now i know
I cannot move forwards without changing that
Without being that woman that
Is the fragrance of time elegance and strength
And most importantly
Faith
For i know i can be better
Do better
Think better
Achieve
Want better
Even have better
And i know there is so much more out there for me than a small office and a purple laptop
And its time to figure that out


To be continued

M&A- am ready to give

Ive got so much to say

Its nowhere near how i feel

Like all these raw beautiful emotions 

Turning me into something i need to be

And all these intricate ways making me something else

Better

For he is better

And i feel fear

And i feel happiness

Ans i feel everything i should and shouldnt and its all that i am 

But theres still so much more

And so much else

I love his arms

The warmth and the pride

The honesty

I just dont care about anything else

Except all thats to do with him

And i miss him terribly 

Even when hes gone for a few hours

And i feel this 

This

Deep ache when i do something without him

And i feel like im flying 

When i do everything with him

And i do everything for him

And my tears fall when i think of his eyes

They glisten they turn around with truth and kindness

And i love his smile

And i love his ways

And i even love when he makes me mad

For it only makes me forgive him more

I just want to be with him

I just want to be there for him

And i just want to be the goodness he needs

The sharing of my heart with his

And im ready to share everything with him not just me

But what i can make and what i can give to him

The life that he needs and is waiting for 

Im ready to give

To be continued