Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Lost under the rain

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Lost under the rain

Am i selfish? Am i proud? Am i ignorant?

I dont know

But i know i can be kind when i want to

Although its becoming harder and harder

I know ican be tough when i want to

I know i can be rough when i want to

But i know i can get confused when i dont need to and lost when there are other choices

Like waking up at 5.45 am when i could have and not 6.35

It made a difference

I know i can be difficult but i can also let go

And try again

And learn frommy mistakes

All simple

My lifeis easy

Allsh made it kind and easy for me

Hemade it challenging and worth so much

He made it kind and he gave and showed me kindness

For i dont have to think about how much a dozen items of ironing costs

I just throow

And i dont have to worry about things that i see others always worry about

I sit here hapPy proud strong lucky and honestly

Ungrateful

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -