Sunday, March 29, 2015

hi again just

hi there

feeling like the world is upon me and i am so very very small
i ask myslef
why out of all people i met them that saturday in Ozone
answers run through my head
ones that make me cry
ones that make me fear but
ones that make me need
and ones that make me dream
and ones that make me angry\
but ones that make me realise
it must have been to save me
or to change me
or to show me
what it is im missing
all because of stupid thought and stupid ways
and a terrifying imagination
and atragedy which i had no control over
talking about it helped
but truly you will  never have control over it
you can only have control over yourself
like his dream
a glass of milk to you having no space for that
and like yours
you saw that little gem just lying there asleep
you did
so dont fear
but do try
very very hard
and stop imagining
start dreaming
stop crying
and start smiling
and dont give up your job!
and dont be afraid of anyone

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -