Friday, May 29, 2009

The Stolen Garden_ Khartoum Heartbreak 6


People build a lot of rooms, nowadays a lot of money goes into accomadation that lasts for families, and relatives. People want something that is easy, affordable, economic and in the city so as to to live a life .... where they built a house that works


For me.... I love Khartoum not only because it is my home town, but because there is magic to its components... or Life I have yet to understand...


With my grandmother out in the house yard, enveloped by open air and her stories of princes and princessess, I counted the stars, lost count at 1353 and had to start all over again because I followed a glittering plane until it dissappeared into the fading darkness out of the scope of my tired eyes to follow.... and her sweet voice entangled me into a beautiful escapade until morning. I remember the wind that blew those memories into me still today

Romance under a Khartoum navy sky full of complicated stories, full of tales and glories of a million untold secrets and fairytales in the dusken reality of broken city lights that extends all the way through african streets and people with closed doors and empty gardens .... making up a forgottten yard in in the delve of my heartbreak.


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He looks at me from beyond the stars, twinkling twilight of our garden, its perimeter the locket of escapades into each others hearts, romance of dew particles flowering the midnight sun. In the silence of neon lights.... in the distance... Flies fly in a world of existence I only hear... maybe like New York...maybe like here... in this area surrendering to short ropes of lacking water and flickering astonishment of his imagination through me. The lightened dark holds my eyes in questions I yearn him to ask me... I beg that he hears me... for I am scared.... Carrying a teapot and respect but I drink a lot of steaming painful seconds that go by.... All I want for him is to tell me................................


The Moon collects shatterings of me and reflects the shine of a waiting hour into morning... it may be 3 AM, 4 AM...but it is the middle of so many tonights where I fight to stay strong


Jasmines.... I love Jasmines... Smelling of Jasmines Pearls that died of good fate, her face remains broken with time, broken by circumstance, I know this is just borrowed luck of beauty, Yes, .............

Khartoum Plants, Insects and fantasised life should grow in my garden...and he waits for me, while I bring him some romantic mint tea

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -