Sunday, January 11, 2009

Essence of Reflection

I suddenly felt like I understood the whole meaning of what I was missing. It struck me so fast between the intersection of the leaving night and coming morning, between the feeling of illness and the feeling of fulfilment, between the emotions I once never understood and the emotions that stand before me now.

My mind created a moment of peace that magnified into moments of peace. I saw myself in a strange way. I saw my inner turmoil receding and my inside sleep finally awakening. I was wearing the most beautiful clothes and even more beautiful, I looked like me. No change except from inside. I radiated this light that was shining. It defined my self-acceptance.




I could smell what I saw... something from the perfumes of heaven. I loved its scent...without even knowing what it was...I just knew it was the right choice for me. I had given myself the perfect gift, attraction to me.

I took care of myself, of my needs. I felt like I cared about myself very much. And most importantly, I knew me. My eyes saw my real identity; my ears heard my true voice, my heart gave in, only to my wishes. I was joyous and I was proud. My life became meaningful, I was aiming for something and it was the best aim – Defining my Beauty

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -