Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Bad weather

Sunday, December 7, 2025

Bad weather

Yet the beautiful wind entices me

I remember the sounds in khartoum rvenings when the electricity blacks out and my heart is black today

Loneliness is there wherever

Whenever

And emptiness scolds an empire

Weakness devours and no friends

But tonnes of charachters

Consume me

With no time i use it unwisely

Unforgingly

Unable to stop being an addict

To my pisces

Am i good or am i bad

I no longer know

Amd that is misery to the core

But my core is shattered with being alone

Yes

I am the new version of her

I miss her and am scared of her and will likely suffer like her

Just as i am now

But time will tell

Why my tears will fall

Adirty kitchen a dirty heart and no start i dont know hoe to start and how to be and how to help

I am angry and scared and branded with beng evil

Its too late

I really just want to….

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -