Things ill never try 2

Bungee jumping and staying queit

Making this ache real

Swaying in 7 stars 

Not by me

And others by 

Things ill never try

Size 8 dress and size 5 shoes

A 7 stsr hotel or finding the right clues

To mKe it right

A normal heart or a new start

In things ive failed

A bmw 

That i can call mine

A new house thats fine

Being second

Being round with perfection

Being the me i wished

Being felt

By millions

Being another kind of mum 

Ill never try being another kind

فوق و تحت

تطلع فوق لمن انزل تحت و تنزل تحت لمن اطلع فوق

ده الحب مش؟ 

البعد و الحماس فالبعد 

شغل

افكار اخبار 

تعب

تعبانة

هي قالت

Youre acting like you are perfect in everything and noone is good anything like you

Truth is so right

But isnt it true

Ego hurt

Its not

But i am sure of one thing

My dreams ache inside me shaking me ill 

My heart beats … فو and my soul aches

تحت

I shiver at my … emptiness

That hovers and calls me to its arms

Tunes

Words

Stories

Ideas

Others

But not me

Nagat was lonely

But she used faith to survive

What do i have

Non the wiser i am the modern lonely professor

Letting it seep and seep and rot me

Yet i do not have all the things she did

I only saw the last while

Spoilt she said to me

Maybe

Now i see i copied

Inspired by the wrong

But it can be hard

Whos right and where do lines merge

Tough i remember

Actions i would take and then hate

Do them but dont accept them

Its

Lonely

My world

Sitting here

So afraid of the future amidst people chatting away and me typing into this begging

Begging for my tears not to fall 

I surrender to my pain

Its so hard to pretend your strong

And i am wrong

In so many things

Too late

Its fate

To fail 

I surrender

To my pain 

Let it all rain

The acid 

The wishful thinking

The turmoil

Inside me

The inability to proceed

The thoughts i do not have

The ones i do i want to refund

Lonely

In every single

Letter

Lonely

Unableto become

Unable to break free

Unable to push through 

Unable to believe

Unable to imagine but rot

Unable

I surrender to my illness

Of loneliness

Its sad what ive become

I know losing my country has a role

Its like being told ur made of the wrong thing

I fit here and i dont

I hate it

All these fusion powers inside me cutting of like that nighttime darkness in khartoums blackness during those 3 hour  cuts. But sometimes it came back in 40 min and we were delighted

Fill the buckets it will cut again … now

My buckets remain empty like it and darkness has stayed forever