Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Breakfast in hell.

Sunday, June 29, 2025

Breakfast in hell.

I have to accept i am a piece of hell mKing

Ideas soften inside and roughen my skin

Blending my takes i try

I fail

I wonder whose fault it is

Someones else living my dreams

Every.

Single.

One.

In everything

I do not have the upper hand in the things i create

The things i make

Mine

Part of me my body my mind

Are not really mine

And i have theemptiness of the eggs beans and mushrooms to prove it

I hurt

Very much

I try

I fail

I push it breaks

They are not my friend

They are not interested

In me

For i am a piece of hell

In my familys life.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -