I refuse

 to be the bad ending

to be the weak one, the one floating in bad thoughts and worse... delivering the obvious

i refuse to be intimidated but i also refuse to be exploited. i refuse to be strong at the expense of smartness or being fake. i refuse to be made fun of or to be made unavailable for goodness. i am good. i will always be good. i refuse to be ambushed by worry or by death connection. i refuse to be smothered in imaginery thoughts. i refuse to be consumed by the world or by what it may offer. that doesnt mean i dont want to try things. that are allowed of course. but i refuse to fall down holes or taps of buttons that can be powerful enough to suffocate. i refuse to keep trying . i will only try once. i will be faithful. i will only try whats good. 

i refuse to be unhappy. i refuse to fail. at least i refuse to not try and i refuse not trying to be a part of my failure. i refuse to not ask questions to keep analysing to keep hoping and trying but i also refuse to be taken for granted. i want to try and succeed. 

i refuse to be the bad example. i refuse to be the embarassing future. i refuse to be the devils corner . i refuse to be my souls wishes. i will connect with my heart soul and brain together in an elegant and driven manner that is both smart, useful and determined to suceed. Ya Allah as i always ask you - let me be useful to my children. Ya Allah, let me be useful to my self. and my family. Ya Allah protect me from myself most of all. and then from others. for the self is the most dangerous falling to the prey of unknown dreams 

dreams are a two ended sword. and i want to be be pricked by neither end. i want to use the good size to sieze good allowances of the mind. i believe that there is so much the heart and brain can do. and i believe there is more out there for anybody. but there is also destruction.

i refuse to be destroyed.