Thursday, March 30, 2017

Are you the best you can be?

Its not everyday ur in the silence of a hongkong night where 2.14 am seems an exciting proposal a surreal experience a breathtaking memory given by allah to me
And yet here i am with an expensive ticket and useless thought
Weak body and weaker mind
Silence here is expensive
But i continue to cheapen the time by forgetting allah
By being scared
By being demanding and persuasive as they say.

To me, a night like this is a distant memory of fictional truth. Sturdy buildings stand to uphold me as i attach to the truth of a young woman whose everything is forgotten , because she forgets allah .
And yet he is always there

Always there
Making things happen
And yet here i am

Worried about red instead of being grateful
Thinking of anger when i should just throw it away
I mean dont even let them onto my mind
But i am a sensitive woman
A strong sensitive woman
A strong sensitive smart woman
A strong sensitive smart sincere woman

I am also accurate in less accurate ways
Plus exciting
Plus love life

If so then. Why do i demand to stay roped up
To stay feeling tired and weak
And like i need to be this way or i was made like this
Not true
Anything you can be
Anything you can change
Old ones new ones anyones no matter how so ypu can let them travel down the path you want them to . Like this road youre on now
You can even write everyday

And imagine
You can become a better person and even a better muslim
You can be tremendous at what you do even if you are a beginner now
You can be enrolled to happiness
True happinness
Not the type you feel when youre not really in control of who you are
But the type you feel whe. U simply are the best you can be
Are you the best you can be? 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -