Monday, October 27, 2014

Monday browns

Sitting in a tiny cafe on a tiny hilly street where i suddenly remembered to come here because i wanted freedom and iwanted ties the freedom of knowing all tasting trying having knowing and the freedom of exploring but the ties of someonetelling u this place is good or the ties of trying something before u go ... And i am going soon
It doesnt feel soon
But it is
For today could be a last monday
Brown monday 
Bitter cold
For my capuchino looked sexy as hell but was definitely cold
But isnt life
Is t it all
The times u do get it the way u want
Steaming hot
Cherish it
Love it
Enjoy it
Cultivate it
I have spent
A while here
3 months here
It feels like forever maybe it was
In the dusken chilly seaside town 
Where i did benefit
In the end
Built up my core right to the core
Taught myself that i am smart kind young sexy bright happy healthy alive
And certainly have potential to be who i want
For i was what i wanted here
And old
I was reminded of the way i used to be but with a twist
More responsibility
More friends
More coffee

I love who i am
I want to cherish that
I dont know why i stopped writing
Because writing is really the substitute for 
Maybe ijuststarted drinking cofees instead
now i want to do both - love life and happiness
Close to the end
2 more mondays until i see him
Cuz we never count the daywere in
I hope he misses me like i do
Maybe more maybe better
I hope he enjoys life with me
I hope he explores new things 
With me 
And i hope he too savors a goood coffee with me
Ya rab
I hope i close my eyes and open them and find am on that 6.18 train
For im impatient with love
And  am lost in time
And am hoping for miracles
And am tired of normality
And i am thankful for the way my life is
And am thankful that african gene is on its way
And am thankful for everything.... Everything ya allah 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -