Friday, July 17, 2009

Random Becomings in Omdurmanese

Dressing up and believing in stars and miracles
in chadelier places and glittering fates, everyone understands desire
wavering temptation along the pearls of desert - the imagination of twists of moon shine the nile delivery along the dirty path of winded but smooth Khartoum City - Honey for breakfast, glorious tea and bursting seduction of a Life I desperately desire, would retire everything for -
I wonder about what broke inside me, how I can overcome floods of nature torturing my fields
agonies of a milion tries, tribes linger home of dusted feeling their illness not forsaking - for I am true blood - but fake dedication - their echoes linger they tread miles of fury , their eyes worrying about my intentions
polished with innerly fear
_______
help me find my way
let me reach my intended stay of summer dresses
Blissful romances of confidence
help my family...families beat time and mistakes
keep my fate precious
help me live, let me give
you and them...something to die for
I want to come back to you, love you, find you
Amongst these broken fairytales
Heal my heartburn

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -