Saturday, February 21, 2009

Khartoum Heartbreak 5

THE LETTER ABOUT THAT SUMMER






Thanks dear! lol I thought about that and he is definitely not hurting me in terms of me loving him -but I suppose in a weird way it hurts to think how I thought of him when we first met - I mean I REALLY liked him - loved him - and I dont know will u understand cuz u hate sudanese guys!! but I thought he was perfect - like we would get married and he would know all about my life and ways cuz he lived like me and vica versa and I dreamt and dreamt that it wud be perfect - Now I know I sound like I'm not over him but I AM

I suppose I'm not over the dream- Of finding that perfect guy! In a way everytime I think of him I remember I lost the dream - and then I suppose I know it sounds weird again - but sometimes I feel in my heart that if he was different- in the way he thought and lived and who he was - then he would have been able to love me back - does that make sense? probably not - like I just feel that if he thought differently - if he had a different personality and dreams I feel I would have fitted in the picture - I know I'm trusting myself a bit much here - but u dont kno - that summer - it was --- Oh I dont know! what am I saying seriously though... I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM anymore - Don't be smirking at me when u read this!!! OR I WILL KILL U LOl!!!!

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -