Sunday, November 30, 2025

I try

But i dont know why
Its not enough
Always missing that sky
Of perfection 
Within myself and beyond
Even in all this effort
They say istagfurallah and ur so mean 
Minute details that pain me to the core
For the pink of tassels isnt the aim
But hey 
Ill help u 
And ur idea is show
And ur just mean 
And why are u so mean they say 
But i dont feel mean 
I feel right
I feel down
I feel tired
I feel helpless
I shud be sorting out my website
And yet every night
They win i dont
And here i am 
I try to fail
Adding and adding and adding and adding
It never stops
Maybe im not made for this
Amd yet i push myself over the edge


What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -