Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: April 2024

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Sudden entry

It all happened so fast how the twist of fate can come about

Suddenly i am not calm

I am not myself

I am angry

I am weak

Oh how weak

Suddenly i must listen to the degradation

Suddenly i must be isolated but strong

Weak but strong

Angry but strong

Oh how easy it is to put blame and i do its all their fault

But is it?

Its a personality failure

Its a personality drama

Its a personality break

Flaw

It makes me mad

Oh how disgusting

Oh how annoying

Oh how trespassing

Oh how sudden!

The suddenness how at 4.00 pm its ok and at 4.02 its just not.

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -