Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: February 2024

Saturday, February 3, 2024

The healthy mother

I envied her because it was free

I suddenly looked down at myself and saw ….

It all

The sadness the tiMe the 0 effort the madness of my actions

How hard i made it seem

To energise my life

How easy she made it seem to live life to the full

I couldn't possibly relate to the scale of things shes done to help herself succeed

But consistency is one of them

She has been consistent

I have also been consistent

The broken kind however

Consistently opening up the wounds

Leaving them raw

Leaving them salted

Watching

My hands tied

But thats how they are when i do what i do

I wondered her age

But one can assume it doesnt really matter

Similarity

Is the key

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -