The sting of fault

 I have to be paralysed 

The game is not on my side

Although it was by my rules but the rules have changed

By me

Suddenly I no longer feel on too I no longer care

I no longer deem myself fit to win 

So I am stung by my shame

Anger

Deceit to myself

Hurt 

Disgust

All of it

I am truly a mistake of anything

Am sick of it too 

Sick of myself

And then just when I change the games 

The others do toI 

For my benefit

But now I have no ability to override my control

I am powerless

I am  

Cemented on the ground of my own failure 

I cannot proceed after all of this great work or work that is possible to win that very tip I lose edge

I lose balance 

I lost it all

Who’s gonna make the money

 I wish it was me

Ya allah  let it be me

I don’t want to be reduced

And now I have to wait

Please put me in the right position always 

I depserately need your help 

Wooden fights and tears

 Crocodile?

True?

Hormonal?

 Something has to give

I feel so stupid 

So lame

So tricked upon 

Like here I am 

Just 

So 

Lonely 

I can’t find 

The truth anywhere 

Not around me 

Not within me 

Not beneath me

All I know is

I am evil 

I ask too much and I need too much

Therefore people stay away repel 

And tarnish 

Break because of me

To show me

Now I I have to wait and wait and wait and wait 

And wait and wait for answers or for none 

Tea and cake

 The repetition of failure

Or is it need

Or habit

Or the right thing or the wrong thing 

If you are tea and cake with biscuits al day what would that make you? 

Right or wrong? 

If you barely ate would you be sad?

Or alone?

Or depressed?

Or angry?

Or lonely?

Or all of the above?

We are all human

Our feelings come out n different ways and for some it’s by eating tea with cake and biscuits 

All 

The

Time 

I am

 The definition of a horrible mother

That’s it 

Nothing more to be said

Awful

Just awful 

Absolutely rotten 

A horrible turmoil of crap

Feeding them stress 

Feeding them the definition of lack 

And yet fulfilment and stepping up is all I ever wished for 

The resentment boils me

Inside like a never clicking off kettle

I feel so much anger

So much annoyance

So much unfairness

I know it’s rotting me 

I know it’s changing me

Everyone has it so light

And I 

Have heaviness 

The humming drives me mad

Absolutely mad 

And I simply can’t do anything about it 

I want to scream 

Literally scream

And I do 

The phones anger me

Everything angers me 

Fridays  at 2-5 as well and soon the whole week

And soon it just won’t matter about my 

Sssssssss needs my time everything makes me so so so angry 

Cuz I’m just a jealous bitch of course

Any such feelings puts me into being evil or

Simply

My choice

I am angry

I am sad

I am annoyed

I am lonely

I am scared

I am stressed

I am so so 

Unhappy